Price 15 Cents 




&fe. 



A 

-* 

Topsy Turvy 
Christmas 



GUP TILL 



PAINE PUBLISHING CO. 
DAYTON, OHIO 



New Entertainment Songs 

By Edna Randolph Worrell. 

These songs can be used in all manner of entertainments. The music 
is easy, and both music and words are especially catchy. Children like 
them. Everybody likes them. Sheet music. Price 25 cents each. Five 
copies, $1.00. 

WE HOPE YOU'VE BROUGHT YOUR SMILES ALONG. A 

welcome song that will at once put the audience in a joyous frame of 

mind and create a happy impression that will mean half the success of 
your entire program. Words, bright and inspiring. Music, catchy. 

WE'LL NOW HAVE TO SAY GOOD-BYE. This beautiful son- 
has snap and go that will appeal alike to visitors and singers. It is just 
the song to send your audience home with happy memories of the occasion. 

WE'VE JUST ARRIVED FROM BASHFUL TOWN. This song 
will bring memories to the listeners of their own bashful school days. 
Words, unusually clever. Music, decidedly melodious. A capital welcome 
song, or it may be sung at any time on the program with assured success. 

MY OWN AMERICA, I LOVE THEE. A song that will bring 
a thrill of patriotism to the heart of every one who hears it. The chil- 
dren and grown-ups just can't resist the catchy music. It makes a cap- 
ital marching song, 

COME AND PARTAKE OF OUR WELCOME CAKE. A merry 
welcome song and a jolly one, too. The audience will be immediately 
curious about the Welcome Cake, and the children will love to surprise 
the listeners with the catchy words. Music, easy and tuneful. 

LULLABY LANE. The music and words blend so beautifully that 
people will be humming the appealing strains long after they hear this 
charming song. A wonderfully effective closing song, whether sung by 
the school or as a solo by a little girl, with a chorus of other little girls 
with dolls. 

JOLLY PICKANINNIES. Words by Elizabeth F. Guptill. Music 
by Edna R. Worrell. This spicy coon song will bring down the house, 
especially if you use the directions^ for the motions which accompany the 
music. The black faces and shf»i»g eyes of the pickaninnies will guar- 
antee a hit. The words are gre^tf and the music just right. 

THE LITTLE BIRD'S SECRET. Here is just the song for those 
two little folks to sing together. They won't have to be coaxed to sing- 
it, especially when they find that the whole school is to whistle the chorus. 
This is a decided novelty, and will prove a rare treat to your audience. 

A GARDEN ROMANCE. This is a dainty little song telling of the 
romance and wedding of Marigold and Sweet William. It is just the 
song for dainty little girls to sing. 

COME TO THE NURSERY RHYME GARDEN AND PLAY. 
Here is something different for the little folks to sing. The Nursery 
Rhyme Folk are so familiar to children, it will be no trick for them to 
remember the words. The music has a most captivating swing. 

Paine Publishing Company - - Dayton, Ohio 



A TOPSY-TURVY 
CHRISTMAS 

By 
ELIZABETH F. GUPTILL 



Author of "Christmas at Pun\in Holler, 
"Christmas at McCarthy's," Etc. 



PAINE PUBLISHING COMPANY 
DAYTON, OHIO 



CHARACTERS <f|> 

Frank— A boy of twelve j The Earth children> 
Alice — A girl of ten J 

Knarf — A Topsy Turvy boy; really a boy of fourteen or 
fifteen. 

Ecila — His sister; a girl somewhat taller. 

Derf — Their little brother; the tallest boy obtainable." 

Mom — Their mother; a girl of nine or ten. 

Dad — Their father ; a boy of seven or eight. 

Marg — Their grandmother ; the smallest girl who can learn 
the part. 

The Spankety Man — A boy of ten or twelve. 

The Teacher — A boy of ten or twelve. 

Clanty Sauce — A very tall, thin boy. 

Gother Moose — A short, fat girl, of seven or eight.' 

Fairy — A tiny girl. 

Greenies — Any number of small girls. Two will do, but 
four are better. 

A small boy to be in Clanty Sauce's box is also needed. 



p'i 



Copyright, 1916, *</ TMP96-006548 

Paine Publishing Company 
Dayton, Ohio 

©CU447873 

OEe-l 1916 



COSTUMES AND PROPERTIES 

Frank and Alice wear the usual school clothes of children of their 
ages. 

Marg, the tiny Grandmother, has her hair powdered, parted in the 
middle, and combed down over her ears. She wears a cap, and 
spectacles, from which the lenses have been removed. Her dress is 
long, of gray material, with white apron and kerchief, which may be 
on wrong side to. 

Mom, the children's mother, wears her hair high, her dress long. 
This dress is preferably a wrapper or tea-gown worn "hind side be- 
fore.'' She wears an apron, also, one of the round, tea aprons, 
either behind or over one hip. She may have a lace collar, pinned 
behind. 

Dad wears long trousers, with his socks pulled up outside, a swal- 
low tail coat, and vest, both "hind side before." 

Ecila wears a very short dress, white, or light colored, with a 
sash of some other color, preferably red, tied in front. She may 
wear beads, which hang down her back. If her hair is long, part 
it, comb each side up to the top, and begin to braid there. Braid 
tightly, and loop it, so loops will stand out and up pinning into 
place, if necessary. Tie ribbons around base of loops. If her hair 
has the Dutch cut, bring the top hair, which is left longer, as far 
as possible, and tie a ribbon around it, so that it stands up in the 
front, just over the forehead, being the bow. She has short socks. 

Knarf wears short trousers — decidedly short — with frills at the 
bottom of bright color. His blouse may be Russian or sailor, but 
must be on "hind side before," and have collar and cuffs of bright 
color. A suit of green and white awning stripe, with bright pink 
trimmings, would be very effective. Comb his hair in any peculiar 
way that that particular boy's hair can be coaxed to stay. His 
stockings are long, striped around ;wi f h bright blue. 

Derf should have a wig, if at alt possible, of long curls. Tie one 
or two up on the side, with a blue ribbon. He has short socks, and 
knickers of material to match his dress, that end above the knee. The 
dress may be a kilted skirt and a sailor or middy blouse of white, 
with blue trimmings. A sash, with tassels, passes round his waist, 
and knots at one side. The big sailor collar should be in front, in- 
stead of behind. 

The Teacher wears a cap and gown, like those, of graduates, 
wrong side to. He may have glasses. 

The Spankety Man is dressed in a dark red cambric garment, 
with tight-fitting waist and trousers, in one. It is buttoned behind, 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

with large buttons. This suit has high neck, long, close sleeves, and 
trousers that button closely round the ankles. He may wear a 
visor cap, with the visor behind, or any hat or cap that can be made 
noticeable, when improperly worn. He carries a bag with assorted 
"spankers." These may be two or three switches, a slipper, a hair- 
brush, a razor-strop, a fly-killer, an egg-turner, a small fire-shovel, 
a shingle, and one or two "spankers" with handles cut from 
shingles. He should choose one with which to emphasize his song. 

The Fairy wears a fluffy, full dress of white, pale pink, or blue, 
as desired. It has a full waist, and a very full, short skirt. It may 
be of crepe paper, mosquito netting, or of some sheer material. She 
should have short wings, which may be made of a square of the 
goods, folded into an oblong, and gathered along one side where 
two edges meet, then fastened among the folds at the back of the 
waist. More gauzy wings may be made of wired gauze or netting. 
She should have a silver wand, with a star at the end, and a silver 
girdle. Her hair should be flowing, with a silver band around it, 
and a star above her forehead. Her stockings may be white, or may 
match the dress ; the slippers should be white or silver. 

Gother Moose wears a long red skirt, a long black cape and a tall, 
pointed hat of red, with a black band. 

The Greenies, of whom there may be any number from two to 
six, are dressed entirely in green, of course. They wear green 
stockings, green pointed shoes, made from cloth, full, short bloom- 
ers, and a long, loose blouse, belted in. They have tall, pointed 
caps, at the peak of which is sewed a bell, the peak being bent down, 
to hang at one side. Any shade of green will do, but the whole 
costume should be in the same shade. If the green stockings are 
not easily had, color white ones. Each carries a long green ribbon, 
strung with tiny bells. 

Clanty Sauce should be the tallest, thinest boy obtainable, dressed 
in some striped material, the' stripes, running up and down. The 
trousers are close-fitting, and _ reach the ankle. The tunic reaches 
a little below the waist, and is belted in, high under the arms. He 
wears a tall hat, very tall and small around, covered with the striped 
material. 

SETTING. 

There should be an inner curtain which shuts off most of the 
stage. At the beginning of Scene I, this curtain is down. If this 
inner curtain can have on it any common outdooivscene, so much the 
better. The first part of the play is enacted before this inner cur- 
tain. When the curtain rises, which it should do as swiftly and 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

silently as possible, it discloses Topsy Turvy Land — an outdoor 
scene. Small trees should be placed at the back. Plant the top 
branches — the ones in the center, firmly in pots or pails of earth, 
and have stems and roots upward. Fasten odd-looking fruits upon 
the branches, by means of fine wire, so that they "hang upward" 
instead of downward. A gate and fence may be in the background, 
if desired. These may be made of very light strips of wood, or of 
cardboard. Have the gateposts square at the top, with ornamental 
balls, or other shapes, at the bottom. From these, to the sides, 
fasten two horizontal pieces, one very near the top, the other farther 
down. Fasten the pickets to these, pointing downward with a good 
space between them and the bottom. A few cardboard birds, like 
those the children make and color in the first grade and kinder- 
garten, should be fastened, so that they seem to be perching on the 
under sides of the branches of the trees. A garden bench or two 
may be behind the fence, wrong side up. Have one near the front, 
on one side, so all the characters need not stand, all the time ; but 
whenever Frank or Alice sit down, they turn it up properly, while 
when the others sit, they turn it back. Let this happen occasionally, 
through first scene. For Scene II, both curtains are up, but be care- 
ful to have all the setting where it will be hidden by the inner cur- 
tain when it falls, near the end of the play. 

This scene, which is a room in the house occupied by Alice and 
Frank, should have a small table, and several chairs, all upside down. 
Two or three pictures hang upside down on the walls. There may 
be a shelf, with everything topsy turvy. A rug, rolled up, is on the 
floor, near one side, and is used as a seat by Marg and Mom. If 
there is room, have a tiny stand in one corner — the kind of stand 
that has a lower shelf. This must be wrong side up, and on the 
shelf may be topsy turvy ornament, jardiniere, or lamp. Leave room 
for Clanty Sauce's box, near the center. The last part of the play 
is enacted with the inner curtain down, as in the first part. 

Clanty's box is large enough to hold a small boy, and all the gifts 
enumerated. It should be on casters, so the Greenies can pull it in. 
In it is a small boy. He is neither seen nor heard, but he must be 
able to pass out "the correct presents quickly. 

Scene I. A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS. 
Scene I. 
(Enter Alice, angrily, runs across front of stage, clenches fists, 
stamps — in short, has a real temper fit, and ends by throwing her- 
self down, and screaming noisily. Enter Frank, sulkily. He goes 
slowly and sullenly to where Alice is crying, then stops, looking 
sullenly down at her.) 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

Frank — What's the matter, Alice? 

Alice — I'm mad. 

Frank — So I see. What about? 

Alice — (looking up) What are you mad about, yourself? You 
look like a thunder cloud. 

Frank — I'm not mad. 

Alice — Yes, you are, too. I know, (gets up) What is the matter, 
truly ? 

Frank (crossly) Nothing, I tell you. What were you screeching 
so for? 

Alice — 'Cause I was mad, I tell you. 

Frank — What for? 

Alice — Say, I'll tell you what I was mad at, if you will, too. 
Will you? 

Frank — Perhaps — well, yes, I suppose I could. You first, though. 

Alice — No, you. 

Frank — Ladies first, always. 

Alice — There, that's it, exactly. That "always." Why should a 
thing always be just the same? You must always say "ladies first," 
and both of us must offer each other the biggest piece, when we want 
it ourselves, and always mind what the grown-ups say, and shut 
the door, and a whole lot of nonsense. Why Shouldn't the grown- 
ups mind us part of the time? 

Frank — Is that what you are mad at? 

Alice— Yes, it is. My mother thinks I ought to mind everything 
she says, and never talk back, and when I said I was going over to 
Kitty's she said I couldn't, and when I — argued a little about it, she 
said I was saucy, and spanked me. I wish I could find a place where 
mothers had to mind their children a while, and see how they like it. 

Frank — So do I. My teacher kept me after school because I 
couldn't answer every question in my geography lesson. Why 
don't she answer some of them ? We scholars have to do all the 
work, and the teacher just listens and watches for something to find 
fault with, all the time. 

Alice — I know. Why don't they let us ask the questions? It 
would be much the best way, I'm sure. And rules. I'm so sick of 
rules. You mustn't do this and you mustn't do that, and if you do, 
some one will punish you. I'd like to live where there weren't any 
rules at all, and where children were the biggest for a spell. 
Wouldn't I teach them a thing or two? 

Frank — There isn't any such place, I'm afraid. I never learned 
about it in my geography. 

6 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

Alice — You've never been way through it yet. Perhaps there is, 
now. Let's hunt for it. 

Frank — All right, let's. (They sit dozen on floor, and open geog- 
raphy, turning the leaves slowly.) 

Alice — Oh dear. I can't read half fast enough. It would take 
most a year to read all that, and two more years to study all the 
maps. Let's go ask one of the High School boys or girls. They've 
learned it all. 

Frank — No, let's don't. They'd only laugh at us. The big ones 
always do. Let's go look for it ourselves. We'll have adventures 
on the way, most likely, and it will be great sport. 

Alice — All right, let's. Shall we start now? 

Frank — Sure. Shall I go this way and you that, like Red Riding 
Hood and the wolf, or shall we go together? 

Alice — Oh, together. Fd be afraid to go alone, I'm sure. Hark ! 
What was that? (A little tinkle is heard.) 

Frank — Sounded like a very little bit of a bell. 

Alice — Listen, and see if it comes again. (The tinkle grows 
louder, and the fairy trips lightly on stage.) 

Alice and Frank Together — Oh ! 

Fairy — I'm the Fairy Tinkle Bell, of Everywhere. I heard two 
little children wishing for a new land, and I've come to show them 
the way. 

Alice — Oh goody, goody. Won't I have to mind t^ere? 

Fairy — No. 

Frank — And are things different than they are here? 

Fairy — Yes, indeed. 

AliCe — Then we'll go. Take us now, good Fairy, do. 

Frank — How far is it? 

Fairy — So far that you never could find the way alone, but I can 
take you there in one moment. You have only to do as I say. 

Both Children — Oh, we will, we will. 

Fairy — Then take hold of hands, close your eyes, and go round 
three times, saying "Topsy Turvy" three "times, slowly. Then say 
"Here we are" and open your eyes. That is all. 

(Children do so. Fairy ziwes wand, and curtain rises as she 
flits out. Children open eyes.) 

Frank — (who is facing audience) What next? Why, where is 
she? * 

Alice — Why, why, everything is different. It's not the same place 
at all. Where are we? 

(Knfirf and Ecila run in.) 

Knarf — You're in Topsy Turvy land, of course. 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

Ecila— Isn't that where you wanted to be? 

Derf— (running in) 'Cause you're here, whether you want to be 
or not. . . - ■ - , . 

F RAN k So I see. Well, perhaps it is where we wanted to be. 

At any rate, Fairy Tinkle Bell brought us here, when we were try- 
ing to find a place in the geography. 

Ecila — I never heard of that place. 

Frank— I never named any place. How do you know you never 
heard of it? ^ r 

Ecila— Why, yes you did, too. You told the country you were 
journeying in, to find some town. I heard you. 

Frank — I did not. ' , 

Knarf— Yes, you did. You said you were looking there for this 
place you wanted. • . 

Alice— Oh, in the geography. A geography isn t a place. Its a 
book about places. 

Derf— What's a book? 

Frank— A book? Gee! Don't you have books here? 

Ecila — His name isn't Gee. It's Derf. 

Alice— That's a queer name. What's yours? 

Ecila— It's Ecila. What's yours? t 

Alice— Mine is Alice. And what's his name? (looks toward 
Knarf.) 

Ecila— It's Knarf. 

Frank— Oh, *Frank. Same as mine. ? 

Knarf— No, not same as yours. It's not Frank at all. It s Knarl. 

Frank — How do you spell it? 

Knarf— Spell it? I don't know what you mean. 

Frank— Well, write it. Here. (Takes small pad of paper and 
pencil from pocket.) 

Knarf— (taking them) What are they for. 

Frank — To write with, of course. This way. (Takes them, and 
zvrites.) See. F— R — A— N— K. That's Frank. That's my name. 
Write yours. . 

Knarf— I can't. I never heard of such a thing. Is Frank the 
name of that thing now? And haven't you any name left, at all? 

Frank— Well, of all the silly questions. Of course it's my name 
just the same. The name of that thing is paper. And if I spell it 
backward, it's Knarf, just like yours. I've done it for fun, lots of 
times-. , 

Ecila— (to Alice) Can you separate yourself from your name, 

that way? 

Alice— Can I write it, you mean? Why, yes. (does so.) 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

See ! A — L — I — C — E, spells Alice. 

Ecila — Could you do mine? 

Alice — Why, I guess so. Say it again. 

Ecila — It's Ecila. 

Alice — It ought to be E — S — I — L — A. Why, if I spell it with 
a C instead of an S, it will be Alice backward. Guess this is Topsy 
Turvy Land all right. What's your name? (to Derf.) 

Ecila — It's Derf. Do his on the white thing. 

Alice — (writing) D — E — R — F. Why, that's Fred, backward. 
That's my little brother's name. 

Ecila — Yes, and that's my little brother. 

Frank — Little brother! He's a heap bigger than you are. 

Knarf — No such thing. It will be a long time before he grows 
to my size. He's only three. 

Frank — Three. Three what, I wonder? He's taller than my 
father. 

Ecila — You're father must look funny, (to Alice) How old are 
you? I'm ten. 

Alice — Why, so am I, but I'm not nearly so tall. And Frank is 
twelve. 

Ecila — So is Knarf. But he's bigger than I am, and your brother 
is smaller than you. 

Frank — Well, either I'm dippy, or you are. You say everything 
topsy turvy. 

Knarf — Of course. This is Topsy Turvy Land. How big is your 
little brother? As small as Derf? 

Frank — He's three, and about so tall, (measures.) 

Ecila — So when you say small, or little, you mean big. And your 
father? He's not as little as Derf, you say. How little is he? 

Derf — My Daddy's big, real big. Big as that, (measures.) 

Alice — He must be tiny. I'd like to see him. 

Knaff — I'll call him. 

Alice — Maybe he's busy, or perhaps he wouldn't like to be called 
just to be looked at. 

Knarf — Well, when my own father can't come when he's called, or 
don't want to be shown off to my .friends, I'll see about it. (calls 
commandingly.) Dad! 

Alice — Why, we say that, sometimes. Oh, I see, it's the same both 
ways. 

Dad — (running, in) Did you call me, Knarf.? 

Knarf — Yes, I wanted to show you to these — children, they say 
they are — just our ages. 

Dad — (staring) Your ages? They're awful big. 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

Ecila — (sternly) Take off your hat, at once, and stop staring. 
And making personal remarks, too. That's three points for Friday. 
(holds up three fingers.) 

Dad — Oh, I forgot, Ecila. I beg your pardon. Please excuse me 
this time. 

Knarf — No indeed. And before company, too. 

Dad— But— 

Knarf — Answering back, too. Be quiet, sir. That's four for Fri- 
day. 

Derf — He sweared, I fink, under his breff. I sawn his lips 
a-movin'. 

Knarf — That's six for Friday. 

Ecila — Where's Mom? 

Dad — I don't know. Dressing her doll, I think. 

Ecila — (calling) Mom! Mom! 

(Mom comes running in, doll in hand.) 

Mom — What is it? Oh! (drops courtesy.) Happy to see you. 

Ecila — You see, I have her well trained. Does your mother mind 
as quick? 

Alice — My mother? I have to mind her; she doesn't mind me. 
But is she really your mother? 

Ecila — Of course. She wouldn't mind anyone else as quick, would 
she? (Mom goes to Dad, who still looks down, sullenly.) 

Mom — What's the matter, dear? 

Knarf — He's in disgrace. Don't talk to him. (Mom gives him a 
comforting pat.) 

Derf — Her petted him, her did. One for Fiday. 

Ecila — Come away, Mom, at once. (Mom does so.) Show the 
company what a pretty behaved mother is like, now. Sing for them. 

Mom (hanging head) Eve got a cold. 

Ecila — Nonsense ! Stand up at once, and sing. Sing "Loora- 
laddy." 

(Mom acts like a bashful little girl. Ecila shakes her, and she be* 
gins to cry.) 

Frank — Don't make her show off. I know how she feels, I hate 
it awfully, myself, don't you? 

Ecila — Why, I don't know. , 1 never tried. I'm not big enough 
yet. (to Mom) Come, sing! Sing up, now, at once. There's a lot 
piling up for Friday. 

(Mom sings between sobs, "Looza-laddy, loora-laddy" over and 
over, a number of times. There should be no particular tune, and 
no attempt at time. She should end in the middle of a syllable, on 
some note least fitted for an end.) 

10 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

Knarf — There ! Next time do as you're told. One for Friday for 
crying. Now, Dad, you whistle. 

Derf — Oh, Mom made a face, her did. One for Fiday. 

(Dad begins to whistle, lowdly, but not tunefully. He should zvhistle 
in jerks, and keep time with his hands, in sonic absurd way.) 

Frank — (to Dad) Are you their father, really? 

Dad — Of course. You think I mind 'cause I like it, do you? 

Ecila— ( to Alice) Have you a Marg. 

Alice — A Marg. What's that? 

Ecila — Why, my Marg was Dad's mother. Some children have 
two. Have you any? 

Alice — Oh, I see ! A grandmother ! We do call ours Gram. She 
likes it. You don't make her mind, do you? 

Ecila — Of course. (calls ) Marg! Marg! Where in Topsy 
Turvydom is she? Mom, go find her. 

Derf — I'll find her. (goes out.) 

Knarf — Do you mind your father, truly? 

Frank — Of course. I have to. 

Knarf — Don't you like to ? Then what makes you ? 

Frank — He does. No. I don't always like to, but I like it better 
than I should treating him that way. 

Knarf-— How funny. (Derf comes in, pulling Marg behind him. 
She holds back and struggles, but he pulls her along.) 

Derf — Her was a playin' blocks, and her wouldn't come. Her's a 
naughty, naughty Marg. Two, fee, for Fiday. 

Ecila — Naughty Marg ! She must come when Ecila calls her. 
Come here. (Marg hangs back, and Ecila picks her up, shakes her a 
bit. then puts her dozen. Marg sinks down in a heap, crying loudly.) 

Derf — Dere'll be a lot of fees for Fiday, if her doti't stop 'at noise. 

(Marg cries harder. Knarf sidles up, and surreptitiously passes 
her a piece of candy. She stops crying at once. Ecila spies candy.) 

Ecila — Now Knarf, you shouldn't spoil her that way! (to Marg) 
Only good Margs ought to have candy. Naughty Margs don't de- 
serve any. « 

Marg — I'd give you some, Girl, but it's all gone. Are you cross 
to your Marg? Do you always make her mind quick? 

Frank — Of course not. Our dear Gram does as she pleases, and 
we all try to please her. 

Marg — Why, how nice ! Is she as tall as I am ? 

Ecila — She's as tall as Knarf. 

Marg — And a Marg ! How very strange ! 

Knarf — Don't talk so much, Marg. Grown-ups should be seen 
and not heard. 

11 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

Derf — It's Fiday, it's Fiday. Here comes the Spankety Man! 
(Dad and Mom look wildly around. Marg hides behind Alice.) 

Frank — It isn't Friday, either. It's Wednesday. » r 

Derf— Tis Fiday. Spankety Man's a-coming. , , 

Alice — But it was Wednesday a few minutes ago, and we haven't 
been to bed yet. 

Ecila — What's that got to do with it? 

Alice — Why, it's got to be night before it's another day, hasn't it? 

Ecila — Not in Topsy Turvy Land. What a strange country you 
must live in ! Here we jumble our days up more. We don't go by 
rules ; we hate them. We have a lot of days together, and then, when 
we get sleepy enough, we have a few nights. 

Frank — But Thursday has to come before Friday, doesn't it? 

Knarf — Why should it have to? Things don't go by rule here. 
And it is Friday, for here comes the Spankety Man. 

(Spankety Man enters, sets down bag, and takes out an assort- 
ment of spankers, zvhich he lays out on the floor.) 

Spankety Man — (to Frank) Good Friday, Sir. I believe we 
haven't met before. Any parents or grand-parents? 

Frank — Yes. 

Spankety Man — Spanking done every Friday. One spank for 
each point. Settlement every New Year's Day, at so much a hun- 
dred. Discount for specially naughty ones. Want to open an ac- 
count? 

Frank — No. 

Alice — We wouldn't want Papa and Mamma spanked; nor Gram, 
either. The idea ! , 

Spankety Man — You'll spoil'em, Ma'am, spoil'em. Better patron- 
ize me. It's necessary, I assure you. 

Alice — No, indeed. 

Derf — Turn, sing your song, and get to work. Marg's awful bad. 

Spankety Man (sings) Tune: "Michael Roy." (He beats time, 
and otherwise emphasizes his song, zvith one of his spankers.) 
Oh, every Friday in there stalks 
The Spankety, Spankety Man. 
To every single house he walks, 
The Spankety, Spankety Man. 
He carries his bag where'er he goes, 
A-dangling from his hand. 
It holds every kind of spanker known 
In Topsy Turvy Land. 

12 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

Chorus. 
For oh, sing ho ! 

For the Spankety, Spankety Man ! 
Bring out your naughty Dads and Moms, 
To the Spankety, Spankety Man. 
Fie lives far away by the crimson sea, 
The Spankety, Spankety Man. 
In a little red house by a whip-whop iree, 
The Spankety, Spankety Man. 
He gathers the whips and dries them well, 
With all the sting left in. 

And the spankers, too, that grow on the hill, 
Are gathered and dried by him. 
Alice — I think you're horrid ! 
Spankety Man — Ma'am? 
Alice — I said I think you're horrid. 

Spankety Man — I only do my duty, Ma'am, and earn an honest 
living. You wouldn't want to have to do all your own spanking, 
would you? 
Alice — I don't believe in spanking, at all. 

Spankety Man — Oh, if you're an unbeliever, it's no use to argue, 
but "Spare the spanks and spoil the Dads" is a true maxim, just 
the same. Well, we'll begin with Marg, as usual. How many 
points? And which spanker? 

(Ecila takes a watch from her pocket, and Derf picks out a 
spanker.) 

Derf — Dis one. 

Ecila — Seventy-two, I'm sorry to say. Come, Marg. Why, where 
is she? 

Alice — You shan't spank that dear little grandmother. The idea! 
Spankety Man — Business is business, Ma'am. Please step aside. 
Alice — I shan't. You shan't touch her. 

Frank — {stepping to her side) No indeed, you sha'nt. Let her 
alone. {All gather around them, and Dad and Morn seize the op- 
portunity to sneak off platform, encouraged by nods and gestures 
from Frank.) 
Spankety Man — Will you move aside? 
Alice — No. 

Spankety Man — Then it will have to be postponed till next Fri- 
day, for here comes the Teacher. 

Frank — I'm glad of it. She'll make you behave. 
Knarf — No, she won't. She's a he, and we make him behave. 
(to Spankety Man) Get your ruler ready. 

13 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

Alice — (to Marg) Dp you know your lessons? 

Marg — I don't have to. I don't have to ask the questions, nor 
answer them. The children ask them and the Teacher answers 
them. If he misses, he's punished. 

Frank — Just as I've always wished it might be. I'll ask the first 
one. 

Knarf — You may. You're company. (Enter Teacher, looking 
worried.) 

Knarf — Begin. Ask him one. 

Frank — What's the capital of Massachusetts? 

(Teacher stares at him in astonishment.) 

Spankety Man — Oh, I say, that isn't fair. You must ask questions 
that mean something. 

Frank — Why, I did. 

Teacher — Then two of the words were in a foreign language. 
I'm the Common Teacher. Foreign languages come in High. 

Frank — Well, I had to learn it, and a lot more like it. 

Ecila — You ask one. Ask a fair one. 

Alice — How much are two and two? 

Teacher — Twenty-two. 

Knarf — Right. Where did these children come from? 

Teacher — From — from — from the farthest dominions of Topsy 
Turvy Land, I should say. 

Knarf — (to Frank) Is that right? 

Frank — Why, no. We came from — (Give name of town and State 
where play is being given.) 

Teacher — There's no such place. 

Frank — There is, too. It's in the United States of America. 

Teacher — There's no such place as that, either. 

Alice — Why, everyone knows the United States, all over the earth. 

Spankety Man — Did you come ffom the earth? 

Frank — Of course. Did you think we came from Mars? 

Teacher — No, for this is Mars. But it isn't fair to ask me ques- 
tions about the Earth. All our most learned men have been able 
to discover about the earth is that it is a very slow-moving, dull 
star which turns on itself once every month or two, and takes about 
a century to get around the sun. The winters are so long and cold 
that no life is possible. It is supposed to be a worn out planet. 

Frank — The idea ! It's every bit wrong. 

Ecila — Keep points, Mr. Spankety Man. (to Teacher) How did 
they get here? 

Teacher — I don't know. 

14 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

Derf — Him don't know. Dat's five points, or fee, which is it? 
It's my turn. What's the biggest nanimal in Topsy Turvy Land? 

Teacher — The Wincheopactylus. He is very large and fierce, 
and lives on new inhabitants, whom he eats raw. His voice is a 
high trill, and he gives warning of his presence — 

Knarf — He certainly does. There's one coming now. Run, 
everybody, run ! 

(All run out, in confusion, zvith screams and cries, dragging Frank 
and Alice zvith than. If a tiny dog, or large cat, can be made to 
walk across the stage after them, it will add to the climax of the 
scene.) 

CURTAIN. 
SCENE II. 

(Room in home of Frank and Alice in Topsy Turvy Land,) 

(Enter Frank and Alice.) 

Alice — There ! Just look at this room ! I pick up and pick up, 
and the minute I go out, when I come back it's all to do over again. 
I never was so sick of anything in all my life, as I am of this 
Topsy Turvy Land ! 

Frank — (placing chair correctly, and sitting down) I wish I could 
get hold of that Fairy for a few minutes, that's what! 

Alice — (also sitting dozvn) What could you do with a fairy, I'd 
like to know? She'd do something to you before you could say 
"Jack Robinson." (She looks up, crossly, as Knarf enters and seats 
himsctf on a chair, just as it is.) I do wish, Knarf, you'd learn to 
knock ! 

Knarf — And I do wish, Alice, that you'd remember that our 
music teacher has told us over and over, never to knock, even if 
3 t ou do request it, since it is a bad breach of good manners to do so. 

Ecila — (entering and seating herself) Don't you like company, 
really, Alice? 

Alice — Why, I like you, Ecila, as well, or better, than anvthing 
else in this awful place. But — (begins to cry) Oh, I'm so home- 
sick, and so tired of everything being topsy turvy! If I could go 
home, I'd never complain about minding again, or rules, either ! 

Knarf — Well, of course it is too bad that you haven't any grown- 
ups to make mind. 

Alice — I don't want to make anyone mind. I want my own dear 
mother and father and grandma, too.- I'd be glad to mind them, 
if I could only get a chance. 

15 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

Ecila — If you could only find the Fairy who brought you here — 

Frank — Well, we can't. We've hunted and hunted, but we never 
seem to get anywhere when we start out. 

Knarf — Of course not. All roads lead to nowhere in Topsy 
Turvy Land. Did yours lead somewhere? 

Frank — Of course they did. And our teachers knew something. 
They made you study and learn your lessons, instead of calling you 
a hopeless little blockhead because you didn't ask them a lot of 
foolish questions about nothing in particular. 

Alice — And that music teacher is just the limit. Manners, in- 
deed! The things he calls manners are the most impolite things 
imaginable. And dancing! To walk slowly here and there, and sit 
down every so many steps isn't dancing! 

Knarf — What is it, then? 

Frank — Tomfoolery. And what he calls whistling is nothing 
more than buzzing! Music teacher! He dosen't teach a bit of 
music ! 

Knarf — Why, manners and dancing and whistling are music. 

Alice — They are not! The only thing the least bit like music 
that I 've heard since I came here is that measly little song the 
Spankety Man sings every Friday. 

Ecila — That isn't music! That queer noise he makes! And all 
the Moms know loora-laddy. I should think you'd call that music.- 

Alice — Well, I don't. And I don't even know what time of year it 
is. Your days and nights are so mixed up that one can't keep track 
of them at all. We shan't even know when the Christmas holidays 
come. 

Knarf — Yes, you will, for they're here now, just as soon as 
Gother Moose gets here. 

Derf — (entering and seating himself in the overturned table) 
Gother Moose is a coming, now. 

Alice — Mother Goose, I bet it is. Is she real? 

Derf — Course her is ! 

Ecila — Why shouldn't she be? 

Alice — Why, our Mother Goose is just a book of rhymes and 
jingles — sort of stories, you know. 

Derf — Dat's what Gother Moose does — tells stories. Here her 
comes. 

Gother Moose — (entering) Well, well, whom have we here? 

Derf — Erf chilluns. 

Gother Moose — Earth children ! I'm afraid they belong under 
the jurisdiction of my sin twister, who tells her stories in a queer, 
jerky sort of fashion. Call in the others, and I'll be about my task, 

16 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

for I must journey on to make the Christmas holidays begin in 
the other places. I'm late, as it is. (Dad, Mom, and Marg run in, 
and seat themselves, all using the furniture as it is. Gother Moose 
remains standing.) 

Gother Moose — What shall I tell you this time? 

Derf — Hackey Jorner. 

Gother Moose — Hackey Jorner was a very little boy, no bigger 
than Derf. One time he sat down in the middle of the room, where 
the sides came together, and put his foot into the oven, which was 
very cold. He pulled out a very small pie, all piping hot, and held 
it neatly on his knuckles. Then with his fingers on the other 
hand, he began to eat it. He took a bite, then he took another, 
then he took another, then he took another, then he took another, 
then he took another, then he took another, then he took another, 
then — 

Frank — Oh, go on! Never mind so many bites. 

Gother Moose — But he has only had eight bites. That would be 
too large a pie, and this was a small one. So he took another bite. 
*and then he took another, and then he took another, and then he 
took another, and then he took another, and then he took another, 
and then he took another, and then he took another, and then he 
took another, and then he took another, and then he took another, 
and then he took another, and then — what do you think? 

Frank — Oh. he took another, probably. 

Alice — No, he found a plum. 

Gother Moose — A plum ? What a queer word ! , No he found 
no plum, he found — that he couldn't take another, because his pie 
was gone. 

Derf — Tell anodder. Dat was a fine one. Wasn't it, Alice? 

Frank — Very nice indeed — quite all of a sameness. 

Gother Moose — Ecila may choose this time. 

Ecila— Little Po Beeb. 

Gother Moose — Little Po Beeb had one, two, three, four, five, 
six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, woolly cats. One nicM 
Po Beeb did not go to sleep at all, but sat up watching her woolly 
cats, and as she watched, they trotted off, down the hill to the 
very top, then out of sight, and — 

A$ice — She couldn't tell where to find them. 

Gother Moose — Certainly she could. They were just under the 
top of the hill, behind a very small tree. Po Beeb and the Spankety 
Man walked after them, and they all came right back. They had 
gone for a drink of water. 

Alice — So they all came home, wagging their tails behind them. 

17 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

Gother Moose — Certainly not. They did not come home, they 
went home, and they had no tails at all. Cats never have any tails. 
And no animal in Topsy-Turvy Land, except the terrible Wincheo- 
pactylus, ever wears its tail behind it. It always dangles gracefully 
forward over the left shoulder. But I must hurry on, to tell the 
Christmas stories to other Topsy Turvy children. Badgye. Watch 
for Clanty Sauce. 

Knarf and Ecila — We will. 

Derf — Yes, us will. 

Alice — Clanty Sauce ! Oh, Frank, perhaps he's our own dear 
Santa Claus, and will take us home. 

Frank — You can't catch Santa Claus. Haven't we tried, lots of 
times^ and did we catch even a glimpse of him? 

Ecila — What a shame ! So you never got any presents ? 

Alice — Of course we did. But — (start as Greenies come tumb- 
ling in) what are these? 

Derf — The Greenies ! The Greenies ! 

Greenies — 

The Greenies are we. As sly as can be, 
We creep to your window, at night, you see. 
And whisper low, as the still winds blow, 
"Watch for Old Clanty Sauce, don't let him go !" 

(Shout out the fourth line as loudly as possible.) 

Frank — That's what you'd call whispering. What would a shout 
be like, I wonder? . 

Greenies — 

The Greenies are we. As loud as can be, 
We call to the children to look and see. 
And loudly shout, as we scamper out, 

(Seat themselves on floor, and whisper last line.) 

"Watch for old Clanty Sauce. He's round about." 

(Greenies rise and begin to tiptoe about, peering in every nook 
and corner, and just as intently into the air, or the middle of the 
floor.) 

Alice — Well, I shan't watch for him. He dosen't like it. ' 

Greenies — Then you won't get no presents, nor nothing, not never. 

Frank — What grammar. 

Alice — It's Topsy Turvy language, I suppose. But how abfcut 
the presents? 

Ecila — Why — (turns to Marg, zvho has been sitting demurely, 
zuithout a word, since entering, as have Dad and Mom.) Marg, 
you are the biggest. You tell the little girl about the presents. 

Marg — Why, old Clanty Sauce always brings a whole lot of them. 

18 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

Frank — Sure. On his back. 

Marg- — Why, no. In a big box in his arms. And if you see 
him, he'll give you some. 

Derf — And if you don't see him, vou won't det none, not nany 
tall. 

Greenies — 

Watch for old Clanty. He lives in a shanty 
Way down in the hot, hot north. 
The Greenies come tumbling and rolling and rumJoling, 
To tell when old Clanty comes forth. 
(They begin to roll and tumble. While the children watch than, 
Frank takes /lis paper out, and begins to write.) 
Knarf (suspiciously) What you doing? 
Frank — Writing him a letter, to tell him what I want. 
Knarf — Well, vou just stop it. 
Frank — W T hy ? 

Knarf — Last place, because he couldn't make tail nor head of it 
any way. 

Derf — Next pace, 'cause taint no good manners to tell what you 
want. 

Ecila — First place, 'cause he always knows what you want, any- 
way, and brings the nicest things you can think of. 

Alice — Oh, it must be our own dear Santa. Perhaps we really 
will see him. (Clanty, who has peeped in, and quickly drawn 
back.) Perhaps not. (Marg has slowly drawn near door, and been 
watching closely. When Clanty draws back, she has him by the 
leg, and pulls him in.) 
Marg — Perhaps we will. 
(Rest of Topsy Tuny folks.) 

See ! We see ! Old Clanty's caught ! 
He'll give us presents, as he ought. 
(Clanty tries to break away, but they surround him.) 
Clanty — (to Greenies) Step out and fetch the box. (They run 
out, and return, dragging a large box.) 
Alice — Oh, it isn't our Santa at all! 
Clanty — 

Not Santa, but Clanty, who lives in a shanty, 
And makes pretty presents for all. 
He'll find in the box, who loud on it knocks, 
There's something for great and for small. 
Ecila — Have you something for earth children too, Clanty dear? 
Clanty — 

There's something to please all, within. Never fear. 

19 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

Come, Marg, you're the biggest, so you first shall knock, 
And open the box without hinges or lock. 

(Marg steps up, courtesies low to Clanty, and knocks three times 
on box, repeating.) 

Marg — Open box, shut box. This is Marg who loudly knocks. 

(Box opens and boy within, hidden from audience by raised 
cover, hands Marg a baby doll, zvhich should be dressed backward, 
a rattle, a box of blocks, an orange, and a bag of candy, then closes 
box.) 

Marg — (courtesying again) Yuur'e welcome Clanty Sauce. 

(She sits down on floor, in centre, so others have to step around 
her, and begins building houses with her blocks, hugging her dolly, 
upside down, and eating candy, at the same time.) 

Clanty — 

Mom is next to open the box. 
See what she gets when she knocks. 

(Morn steps up, courtesies, knocks three times, and repeats 
couplet. Boy hands her a teaset, an orange, a bag of candy, and a 
sled.) 

Mom — (courtesying) You're welcome, Clanty Sauce. 

(She sits down on sled and begins to set a table on it, placing 
every thing topsy turvy, of course. Then she begins to bite her 
orange, setting pieces of candy as best she may on the dishes, and 
keeping an eye out towards Dad.) 

Clanty — 

Dad's gifts from the box come next, 
If he can plainly say the text. 

(Dad bows low, knocks, repeats coitplet, and gets one skate, a small 
bag of stones, an orange, and candy.) 

Dad — (bowing) You're welcome, Clanty Sauce. 

(Dad sits down near Frank, and begins to try on skate, wrong 
side up, and hind side before.) 

Frank — That's not the way. . 

Dad — (beginning to stuff his candy) Hush, you mustn't talk! 

(Frank looks indignant, but stops.) 

Clanty — _ p .-,... 

Derf next in the box may see 

At his gifts he'll howl with glee. 

(Derf repeats bow, knock, and formula, and receives a vety 

large slipper, a pipe, an orange, and candy.) 

Derf — (bowing) You're welcome, Clanty Sauce, (gives a shout.) 

Dese are dandy presents. 

Frank — (aside)l should think so! Hope mine won't be like 

them. 

20 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

(Derf sits down, puts both feet into one slipper, puts pipe in 
mouth so bozd points downward, and occasionally pops in a piece 
of candy without removing pipe from mouth.) 
Clanty — 

Next comes Ecila so dear. 
She'll find something nice, 'tis clear. 
And Knarf may try ,his luck, also. 
He'll find something nice, I know. 
(Th&y advance together, go through formula, and receive pres- 
ents^ Knarf gets a handkerchief and a necktie, and Ecila a pin- 
cushion and. a pair of scissors. Both receive oranges and candy. 
They repeat together "You're welcome, Clanty Sauce," then go 
back to places. Ecila puts scissors into her hair, for an ornament, 
and sits down on the pincushion, beginning to eat her orange. 
Knarf ties the necktie on his ankle, knots the handkerchief into a 
cap. and munches his candy.) 
Clanty — 

Now, Earth children, knock on the box. No fear 
But there'll be something you like, in here. 
(Frank and Alice repeat the formula. Alice gets an engine and 
an air-gun. and Frank a doll and a zvide pink ribbon. Both get 
the inevitable orange and candy.) 

Both — Thank you, Santa Claus. But we may exchange presents, 
mayn't we? _ : 

Clanty — 

No change is allowed. If to change two should dare, 
Their presents would melt away into thin air. 
Come, Greenies, the box drag out, I must away, 
When my gifts are all given, no longer I stay. 
(Greenies drag out box. Clanty follows.) 

All — (save Frank and Alice) You're welcome, Clanty Sauce, 
you're welcome ! 

(Frank and Alice stand gazing at their presents.) 
Ecila — Why don't you eat your orange? 
Knarf — And the candy's great. It's sweet as can be ! 
(Both pop a piece of candy into their mouths, but quickly take 
it out.) 
Alice — It's awful sour! 
Frank — Sourer than a lemon. 

Knarf — Sweeter than-a lemon, you mean. Don't you know sweet 
from sour? 
Alice — Is it all what you call sweet? 

21 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

Derf — 'Course. Candy's always sweet. Don't you like it, Girl? 

Alice — No, I don't. You may have the whole bagful. 

Knarf — Give me yours, old chap, if you don't like it. 

Frank — No, Marg may have mine. She's little. 

Knarf — I should think she was ! 

Ecila — Try the orange. Perhaps you'll like that better. 

Alice — (suspiciously regarding hers) Is that sweet, too? 

Ecila — No. 

Frank — Is it sour? 

Ecila — Why, no. It's — just orangy tasting. 

(The children taste theirs, gingerly, then Frank throws his, and 
Derf scrambles to get it.) 

Frank — (indignantly) Do you call pepper orangy tasting? 

Knarf — Aren't they like yours? 

Alice — Why, no. They're hot with pepper. 

Ecila — I don't know what pepper is, but oranges here always 
taste like that. They're good, I think. 

Alice — Then you may have mine (passes it.) Oh, Frank, don't 
swing her by one leg, like that! 

Frank — (holding doll out and looking at it.) Well, what do I 
want of the thing? And if we can't swap — 

Alice — We can play with each other's things, (holds out hand 
for doll.) 

Ecila — (catching her hand back) You musn't. No one can touch 
another's Christmas presents. If they do, they'll get caught by the 
Wincheopactylus, and eaten for his Christmas dinner. 

Frank — Well, of all the mean Christmasses ! That gun and en- 
gine are dandy, if only I had 'em, though! (Looks at Knarf, who 
is counting over his stones.) What are those good for? 

Knarf — Why, they're kites. 

Frank — Kites. We call 'em rocks, or stones. You can't fly 
them, I know. 

Knarf — Oh yes, I can. You know that tall place you called a 
well? They'll fly clear to the top of that, if I drop 'em. 

Frank — (indignantly, looking at Dad) And see that one skate! 
Where's the mate to it? 

Dad — It doesn't need a mate. You only skate on one foot at a 
time, you know. 

Frank — I should think you'd look pretty, balancing on one 
skate on the ice. 

All — Why, we don't skate on ice! 

22 



A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS 

Alice — {beginning to cry) Oh, I want to go home. I want to gc 
home! It's a dreadful Christmas! Oh, I'd be so good if I could 
only go home ! 

Frank — So would I. No more grumbling for this young chap. 

Fairy — {dancing in) So you've come to your senses? 

Frank — Yes, indeed we have, dear Fairy. If you'll only take us 
home, we'll mind our teachers and parents, and be willing to keep 
rules, and learn lessons. 

Fairy— You will? And you, Alice? 

Alice — Oh, take us home, dear Fairy, do ! I'll be so good, if you 
will. 

Fairy — And you'll remember the lessons you've learned? 

Both — We will. We couldn't help it. {Fairy has flitted to 
front. They have follozved, leaving all the others where curtain 
will hide them when it falls.) 

Fairy — Then close your eyes, take hold of hands, and turn around 
three times, saying, "Home again, home again, never to return 
again," then open your eyes, and you'll see what you'll see. 

{As they do so, inner curtain falls, and she flits out. As they 
open their eyes, she calls back, ''Remember.") 

Alice — Oh we are, we are, back again ! There's the schoolhouse ! 

FRANK^And I'm glad to see it. Think of that! What a dread- 
ful place Topsy Turvy Land was ! 

Alice — I'm sure we'll remember our promise. Only think if we 
had to go back again ! 

Frank — There's just one thing I wish I'd seen— that awful wild 
beast of theirs. 

Alice — It might have eaten you up. I'm glad we didn't see it. 
No more Topsy Turvy things for me. I think it was all dreadful. 

Frank — And the worst of all was that Topsy Turvy Christmas! 

Alice — Let's run home and find out if Christmas has really come 
here. 

Frank — Let's hope it hasn't. 

Both — But no Christmas at all would be better than a Topsy 
Turvy Christmas! {Both run out. hand in hand.) 

CURTAIN. 



23 



Christmas Entertainments 

CHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN HOLLER. A new Christmas play by Eliza- 
beth F. Guptill that abounds in clean, wholesome fun from beginning to end. 
It depicts the trials of the teacher of an old-fashioned "deestric school" in 
conducting the last rehearsal for the Christmas Entertainment. Some of the 
pupils are in "custom," as big Jake puts it, and "Sandy Claus" is there. The 
children go through their parts with gusto and more or less success. May be 
given in any schoolroom by any number. Easy to produce. Costumes simple. 
Children and grown-ups will be delighted with CHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN 
HOLLER. Price, 15 cents. 

A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS. Another new Christmas play by 
Elizabeth F. Guptill. It is decidedly humorous from start to finish. The 
characters are strong and at every turn of the play there is a happy surprise 
for the audience. The children are tired of "minding," and the everything being 
"just so," so they start to find a place where they will find things different. 
They find it in Topsy Turvy Land, where they have strange experiences. 
When at last they have a Topsy Turvy Christmas, they are ready to go home 
and be satisfied with things just as they are. May be given in any school- 
room by any number of children not less than fifteen. In two short _scenes. 
This clever play will prove a sure winner wherever produced. Price, 15 cents. 

CHRISTMAS AT MCCARTHY'S. Elizabeth F. Guptill. Here is a new 
Christmas play for the older children and as many young children as are 
available. It combines in a marked degree the gentlest pathos and the most 
sparkling humor. Several nationalities are represented in the tenement and 
there is opportunity for the introduction of specialties if desired. Circum- 
stances cause Elsie, the tenement orphan, to believe Jimmy, the newsboy, will 
buy her a Christmas present, and it seems it is up to Jimmy to do it. Christmas 
is an unknown quantity at the tenement, but all agree that Elsie must not 
be disappointed, and plan to have one somehow. The entertainment is given 
by the "inhabitints thimsilves," at McCarthy's. In the midst of the fun, 
Elsie's lost father walks in, and the finale is a general rejoicing. Price, 25c. 

CHRISTMAS DIALOGUES. By Cecil J. Richmond. A book full of the 
choicest new and original dialogues for Christmas, parts for both boys and 
girls being well provided for. Some are for the little folks, in rhyme ; some 
are for intermediate grades, and others for older children. Every dialogue in 
this book is decidedly to the point and easy to prepare. They will delight 
young and old alike. Contents: Is There a Santa Claus? 2 small children, 
Santa Claus and chorus ; Herbert's Discovery, 2 boys ; The Christmas Dinner, 
2 little girls, 1 larger girl and 2 boys ; Playing Santa Claus, 1 small and 2 
larger boys ; A Double Christmas Gift, 2 small girls, 2 larger girls, and 3 
boys. Price, 15 cents. 

EVERGREEN AND HOLLY— SONG AND DRILL. By Elizabeth F. 
Guptill. A drill for any even number of boys and girls, or all girls. The 
girls carry garlands of evergreen while the boys carry wreaths of the same. 
After a spectacular drill and fancy march they all sing a beautiful Chistmas 
song, which accompanies the drill. Following the song they wind a spiral to 
the center of the stage, unwind same and march off. Complete instructions 
are given. It is the best Christmas drill ever published; easy to produce and 
decidedly novel. Price, 15 cents. 

PEARL'S CHRISTMAS. Original, pleasing and interesting Christmas 
dialogue with an excellent moral, for 3 boys and 4 girls. Price, 5 cents; 
seven copies, 25 cents. 

SITTING UP FOR SANTA CLAUS. A humorous dialogue for 6 girls, 
5 boys, and Santa Claus. If you expect to have a Christmas entertainment, 
you surely want this. Single copy, 10 cents; or 10 copies, 60 cents. 

Paine Publishing Company, Dayton, Ohio 



Christmas Entertainments 

CHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN HOLLER. A new Christmas play by Eliza- 
beth F. Guptill that abounds in clean, wholesome fun from beginning to end. 
It depicts the trials of the teacher of an old-fashioned "deestric school" in 
conducting the last rehearsal for the Christmas Entertainment. Some of the 
pupils are in "custom," as big Jake puts it, and "Sandy Claus" is there. The 
children go through their parts with gusto and more or less success. May be 
given in any schoolroom by any number. Easy to produce. Costumes simple. 
Children and grown-ups will be delighted with CHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN 
HOLLER. Price, 15 cents. 

A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS. Another new Christmas play by 
Elizabeth F. Guptill. It is decidedly humorous from start to finish. The 
characters are strong and at every turn of the play there is a happy surprise 
for the audience. The children are tired of "minding," and the everything being 
"just so," so they start to find a place where they will find things different. 
They find it in Topsy Turvy Land, where they have strange experiences. 
When at last they have a Topsy Turvy Christmas, they are ready to go home 
and be satisfied with things just as they are. May be given in any school- 
room by any number of children not less than fifteen. In two short scenes. 
This clever play will prove a sure winner wherever produced. Price, 15 cents. 

CHRISTMAS AT MCCARTHY'S. Elizabeth F. Guptill. Here is a new 
Christmas play for the older children and as many young children as are 
available. It combines in a marked degree the gentlest pathos and the most 
sparkling humor. Several nationalities are represented in the tenement and 
there is opportunity for the introduction of specialties if desired. Circum- 
stances cause Elsie, the tenement orphan, to believe Jimmy, the newsboy, will 
buy her a Christmas present, and it seems it is up to Jimmy to do it. Christmas 
is an unknown quantity at the tenement, but all agree that Elsie must not 
be disappointed, and plan to have one somehow. The entertainment is given 
by the "inhabitints thimsilves," at McCarthy's. In the midst of the fun, 
Elsie's lost father walks in, and the finale is a general rejoicing. Price, 25c. 

CHRISTMAS DIALOGUES. By Cecil J. Richmond. A book full of the 
choicest new and original dialogues for Christmas, parts for both boys and 
girls being well provided for. Some are for the little folks, in rhyme ; some 
are for intermediate grades, and others for older children. Every dialogue in 
this book is decidedly to the point and easy to prepare. They will delight 
young and old alike. Contents: Is There a Santa Claus? 2 small children, 
Santa Claus and chorus; Herbert's Discovery, 2 boys; The Christmas Dinner, 
2 little girls, 1 larger girl and 2 boys ; Playing Santa Claus, 1 small and 2 
larger boys ; A Double Christmas Gift, 2 small girls, 2 larger girls, and 3 
boys. Price, 15 cents. 

EVERGREEN AND HOLLY— SONG AND DRILL. By Elizabeth F. 
Guptill. A drill for any even number of boys and girls, or all girls. The 
girls carry garlands of evergreen while the boys carry wreaths of the same. 
After a spectacular drill and fancy march they all sing a beautiful Chistmas 
song, which accompanies the drill. Following the song they wind a spiral to 
the center of the stage, unwind same and march off. Complete instructions 
aregiven. It is the best Christmas drill ever published; easy to produce and 
decidedly novel. Price, 15 cents. 

PEARL'S CHRISTMAS. Original, pleasing and interesting Christmas 
dialogue with an excellent moral, for 3 boys and 4 girls. Price, 5 cents; 
seven copies, 25 cents. 

SITTING UP FOR SANTA CLAUS. A humorous dialogue for 6 girls, 
5 boys, and Santa Claus. If you expect to have a Christmas entertainment, 
you surely want this. Single copy, 10 cents; or 10 copies, 60 cents. 

Paine Publishing Company. Dayton, Ohio 



READINGS AND RE! 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

nun 

016 103 524 59 



COMIC ENTERTAINER, THE. Edit 
to-date collection of the choicest humor, 
poetry as to suit almost any occasion. Th« 
logues, two for male and two for female < 
logues. Price, twenty-five cents. 

HUMOROUS MONOLOGUES. By Mayme R. Bitney. A fine col- 
lection of twenty-nine original monologues designed for the use of the ama- 
teur and the professional monologist. Practically suitable for ladies. The 
author has brought out with skill the humorous incidents that help make 
up the life of the country girl and woman, while the fashionable woman of 
the city, who is interested in parties, teas and golf, is just as truthfully 
depicted. Price, twenty-five cents. 

THE EXCELLENT SCHOOL SPEAKER. The "Excellent"- -is true 
to name. A book of over one hundred pages, especially compiled for us 
by C. S. Bradford, containing selections of poetry and prose, new and fresh. 
Full of good things. You can make no mistake in securing this speaker. 
Price, fifteen cents. 

HOWE'S COMIC SCHOOL SPEAKER. Full of short, pithy, comic, 
and humorous recitations. This book should be in every school. Price, 
fifteen cents. 

HOWE'S EXHIBITION SCHOOL SPEAKER. Contains about one 
hundred pages of selections of great range from the choicest literature of 
our country, suitable for schools, homes and exhibitions. It is the best 
thing out. Send for it. Price, fifteen cents. 

THE JUVENILE SPEAKER. Every piece in this little book can be 
used and is worthy of its place in this useful work. It is undoubtedly the 
best book of the kind, for thej money, published ; and is highly recom- 
mended by teachers everywhere. Price, twenty cents. 

LITTLE PIECES FOR LITTLE PEOPLE. Each set has twenty 
cards containing twenty-nine bright, pretty recitations for boys and girls, 
from five to ten years of age. Teachers like the pieces because of their 
convenient form. Being printed on cards, all wearisome copying is avoided. 
Price, fifteen cents. 

MONOLOGUES FOR YOUNG FOLKS. By Mayme Riddle Bitney. 
Fifty-four original, clever, humorous monologues for young people from 
six to sixteen, or for monologists who impersonate children. A recitation 
may be a recounting of incidents, but a monologue has action ; it becomes 
alive, and you are carried along with intense interest. A great variety 
of subjects. Also twenty-eight selections as follows: For Washington's 
Birthday (4). For Labor Day (4). For Memorial Day. Flag Day, and 
other Patriotic Occasions (3). For Thanksgiving Day (8). For Christ- 
mas (9). Price, twenty-five cents. 

RECITATIONS FOR PRIMARY GRADES, ORIGINAL AND 
UNIQUE. By Elizabeth F. Guptill. A collection of an unusual sort. 
Every one is as interesting as a story, and every one has a very decided 
point. Not a recitation in the collection that is dull or impractical. Price, 
fifteen cents. 

THE NORMAL SPEAKER. A book suited to the wants of all, from 
the smallest sch®ol-child to the oldest reader. Do you want the most 
eloquent passages ever delivered by our greatest orators? Do you want the 
most soul-stirring patriotism? Do you want the purest, tenderegt and 
most ennobling pathos? Do you want the most droll, eccentric and ludi- 
crous descriptions and characterizations? Do you want the richest, rarest 
and most side-splitting humor? Do you want to arouse a new interest in 
literature and elocution among your pupils? Do you want the selections 
recited by the most eminent elocutionists? Do you want the cream, the 
quintessence of all that is suitable for reading or declaiming in schools, 
exhibitions, literary societies, picnics, or in the family or private reading 
room? Buy the Normal Speaker and you will be sure to find in it some- 
thing that will supply your wants. Price, fifty cents. 

Our large Entertainment Catalogue sent on request. 

PAINE PUBLISHING COMPANY, DAYTON, OHIO. 



